He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
