Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
