That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
