I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
