your thong is hanging out like whoa
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
