Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
