I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
