Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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