a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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