Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
