Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
