That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
