I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
