Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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