Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
