I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize