it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
