omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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