she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
