where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
