Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
