She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
