Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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