I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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