let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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