I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
