you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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