Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He passed out mid-signature
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
