Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
