my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
