why didn't you poke me back
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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