All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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