I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
