I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
