Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
