You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
