i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize