He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
