The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
