saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
