Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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