I can tuck mytits in my pants
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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