Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
