I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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