wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
