i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
