Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
