she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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