I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I queefed so loud it echoed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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