I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
