Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
