your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
