Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
