is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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