I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
