Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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