You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
