when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
