When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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