MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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