google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
