Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
