Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize