hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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