he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
