im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
