U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
