i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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