I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
