Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When are your genitals available?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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