well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
