Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize