she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
