can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
