I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
