Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
