yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
