After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize